The Hidden Heroes of Arlington and What We Miss on Memorial Day – Gary Zelinski

 

Airdate: May 21, 2025

Julie Rose: What are the hidden stories buried at Arlington National Cemetery?

Gary Zelinski: Arlington reaches to every small town, every big city in our nation because it has 400,000, service members interned there. And so, if you're from Iowa, if you're from Utah, you, you can find your hero at Arlington.

Julie Rose: Hey there, it's Julie. Welcome to Uncomfy, a show about sticking with moments that challenge us even when they're uncomfortable. And I know you're probably wondering, "Why would anyone choose to be uncomfortable?" But I know from personal experience, and you probably do too, that sometimes a little discomfort has benefits if we can stay open and curious about it. And that's what we're here to explore, so let's get Uncomfy.

This weekend, small American flags will be placed exactly one boot length from the base of every headstone in Arlington National Cemetery, 228,000 headstones in all. This tradition has been happening since 1948. Memorial Day itself dates back to just after the Civil War when a broken United States was struggling to mend its deep divide.

So, today on Uncomfy, we are thinking about the important but often uncomfortable truths that Memorial Day invites us to consider. And to do this, I'm joined by Gary Zelinski. He's a retired US Air Force Intelligence Officer. He served 22 years, and he's recently released a new book. It's called A Walk Among Heroes: Searching for America's Better Angels. Gary, hi! Welcome!

Gary Zelinski: Thank you very much for having me.

Julie Rose: So, you spent a lot of time at Arlington National Cemetery in order to write this book where you tell the backstories of many of the people who are buried there and some of your own story as well. Could you share one thing for us briefly that you realized, uh, during all that time you spent at Arlington?

Gary Zelinski: You know, Julie, I, um, my first visit to Arlington, I was a, um, attendee at a funeral of a colleague of mine, a young, um, Air Force Major that, uh, was terminally ill with cancer. And when I saw his wife walk out of the little chapel, her grief was so profound. I had no words. I mean, what do you possibly say? I, I, I haven't seen somebody sob with their whole soul like that ever in my life, and I, I was so taken by it that I never visited Arlington for another 20 years. I only went back to Arlington because I wanted to take a beautiful photograph 'cause it's a beautiful site, and I really didn't think about anything other than taking a picture, and it, over time, that evolved.

Julie Rose: Hmm. What did you do in the military? What was your service like?

Gary Zelinski: Well, I, I enlisted, uh, right outta high school, met my bride, we wanted to get married and the easiest way for us to forge a life together was to join the military, and so we went from Southern California and, uh, the suburbs to rural Arkansas. And, uh, fate had it that what I, my passion from high school, uh, they gave me a job doing. And it was a photographer and it was the greatest job in the world.

I have a, a very famous photo of a train wreck and a bunch of Cadillacs are, are on their side from the train wreck. Nobody was injured, but, you know, and, uh, my byline went in Time Magazine, the byline, "US Air Force Photo." No name, just "US Air Force Photo." So, technically, you know, uh, please believe me, it's there in the archives of Time, but okay. But anyway, I love photography, so that's why I went back to Arlington. And what I realized, Julie, is my photographs were, documentary at best. but it was the stories that grew out of those walks that became fascinating, and I, and I can, I could talk for days about them.

Julie Rose: What's one that, that sticks out for you?

Gary Zelinski: The first was somebody who transcended race and racism in our country, and he was a boxer named Joe Louis. And if you ask famous world heavyweight championship, champions, "Who's the best boxer in the world ever?" And, universally, they'll say, "Joe Louis." And Joe Louis enlisted in the service in 1942, and he didn't have to go. He was the world heavyweight champion. He did not have to enlist, he wasn't drafted, but he decided to go, and this is, he enlisted in a segregated military, right? Military wasn't integrated till 1947. So, when Joe Louis enlisted, his comment was, " There's a lot of things wrong with America, but Hitler's not gonna fix it." So, he enlisted for the sole purpose of inspiring African Americans to enlist and serve their country. And what the Army used him for was exhibition bounds, uh, bouts to raise money, and he raised millions of dollars. The, the trouble, to round out the story of Joe Louis, is he would donate, he would just endorse the check over to the Army Relief Fund, the Navy Relief Fund. Well, even though he gave all the money away, the IRS thought that that was income. So, by the time he died, he was paying $50,000 a year in debt. So, he's penniless, he passes away, and an old radio announcer remembered him, and the person that remembered him was a person named President Ronald Reagan, and President Reagan waived the burial requirements at Arlington so Joe Louis could be buried there.

Julie Rose: I mean, if that's not an inspirational story for all Americans, I, I, I've, I've got more, but that one is a shining example. I'm intrigued to note that the photo on the cover of your book, um, it's called A Walk Among Heroes, and it appears to be the backsides of these grave, headstones, right? Um, one says, "Cheryl Ford, his wife. April 2nd, 1937." Another one says, "Carolyn Purvis, his wife." So, what are we looking at here, and why are and, and why, if we are looking at the back of these headstones, why?

Gary Zelinski: It, it intrigued me that, you know, for military historians, they'll study the front side of a grave, right? The, the famous, you know, Medal of Honor recipients, general officers and stuff like that, right? Well, I'll give you a, um, I'll give you two real brief ones. We, we relocated from Washington, DC to Southern California, and I thought I was as far away from Arlington as you could possibly get. And so, I started down writing these stories and researching these people, and the, the first person I focused on was the wife of the most decorated, uh, soldier of all time, um, Audie Murphy. And maybe not everyone knows who Audie Murphy was, but he was truly a war hero. Uh, standing on a burning tank, uh, awarded the, a Medal of Honor, survives the war, and an actor named James Cagney found him, and he relocated to, to Southern California. He survives the war, but he's damaged. He's got post-traumatic stress. He, he is noble in some aspects, but he recognizes that he's been injured, and his wife never gave up on him. And, uh, Audie Murphy dies in a plane crash and now through gambling debts, she is penniless. And now, he made a lot of money in Hollywood. 40 films. It's all gone. She moves into a one-bedroom apartment here in Southern California and works for the next 30 years for the Veterans Administration.

Julie Rose: What's her name, Gary? I'd love to name her.

Gary Zelinski: Her name was Pamela Opal Lee, and so my chapter is about her with, "Oh, the spouse, Audie Murphy, and here's what he did," but I wanted to reflect on the, on the, just what a noble lady she was. Um, for 30 years, she was a patient advocate. If a soldier was waiting too long, she would pick them up. Well, not literally, but grab 'em by the collar, drag 'em in the doctor's office and said, "You see my soldier, you see them now." So, um, soldiers would go up to her crying. Soldiers would just want to touch her uniform,they would say, "Your husband was my hero," and, and Pamela would always say the same thing: "No, you are the hero." And so, she is truly a noble woman. She's buried 34 miles from us at Forest Lawn. So, Memorial Day, my wife, Lillian, and I went to Forest Lawn. One boot length from her memorial plaque in the ground, we planted a small American flag and a few flowers to recognize her service. So, I'm just saying that the book has, what I wanted to do is find the whole picture of somebody.

Julie Rose: Tell me a little more about why you feel strongly that it's important to acknowledge the lives of these, um, spouses when, when they didn't serve in the military and, and in, in her case, she's not even buried at Arlington.

Gary Zelinski: Um, first off about Arlington and what, and what I, how I feel about that. Arlington is 639 acres, but Arlington reaches to every small town, every big city in our nation because it has 400,000, service members interned there. And so if you're from Iowa, if you're from, uh, Utah, you, you can find your hero at Arlington, and you can find their spouses, whether they're at Arlington or someplace in your hometown, and that's what I wanted to convey by writing these stories. The other side of it, and I'll illustrate it by somebody my wife and I know today, uh, they're a young Navy seaman, he just got back from a six-month deployment. His six months lasted nine months, so he's, he's in the Middle East on an aircraft carrier. His wife's at home. They have a small child they're expecting, and things are getting bad for the sailors out there, and they don't know when they're coming home. To serve in the military, there's a phrase, "Nobody serves alone," and I, I learned that. I went a year away from my wife on a, on a different assignment, and that's incredibly hard on your children, on the spouses. And so, the military family is something that connects and keeps these soldiers and sailors and airmen together. So, I felt strongly, that the military family should be honored just as much as whoever was on the front of that headstone.

Julie Rose: What do you wish more people considered on Memorial Day? I mean, it's kind of a cliche that a lot of us who are not connected to the military personally, like, Memorial Day is a three-day holiday. It's a great day for barbecues and the pool's open. It's the kickoff to summer, right? Um, it is that, but what is it that you hope people turn their hearts and minds to on Memorial Day?

Gary Zelinski: Everybody, if they search their family tree, family history, they can find somebody that was in the military. They may not have passed away. They may not have lost a life in battle, but, um, the connection to the military is something I feel strongly about. Now on one hand, uh, less wars is a good thing, but these military families that exist today and the ones from the past, I fear that they are becoming disconnected from each other, and we should always try to embrace those two communities and put them together.

Julie Rose: How do we make that connection though, in our communities?

Gary Zelinski: I, I think that that's really hard. Um, one way to do it is simple,ask a veteran who you, who you know as a veteran, "Just relate one story," because I, I will guarantee this, that their story will be unlike anything else that somebody in, that's never been in the military has ever heard. It might be about, you know, peeling potatoes at four in the morning or, you know, something that, but they have stories that are truly interesting and they, and like me, they want to tell them, right? I just, I have, I have more. So, that's one way to do it. The other is, um, I used to resent when somebody said, "Thank you for your service." I was off. I didn't know what to say. Sometimes, people say it, it's superficial. Sometimes they don't know what else to say. Now, I really appreciate it. What, what I've learned is I've gotta do my part. If, if, if the military community's over here and the civilian world's over here, I, I've gotta do my part to come together.

Julie Rose: So, it can start with, "Thank you for your service," which I've said before. I mean, I think that's, you're right. Sometimes it is cliche and it's kind of just like the, "Ooh, thank you. I don't really wanna have to think about what you went through on my behalf." But it maybe it starts with that, but then it, then, then there's a follow up question. There's kind of leaning into the discomfort of, of that moment and asking to hear their story.

So, your book is called, A Walk Among Heroes, you may one day be buried at Arlington National Cemetery as a retired service member. How do you feel about that label "hero?" What does "hero" mean to you?

Gary Zelinski: Um, I've been honored in my military service and, um, I am no hero. I am somebody who got to observe heroes, uh, stand on their shoulders. At the end of the day, I did my bit, but I didn't stand on a burning tank. I didn't, I didn't do so many of the things that are related in my book, and my only thing I'd like to say is, "I got close enough to know them, and I'm honored."

Julie Rose: Gary Zelinski is a retired US Air Force Intelligence Officer and he's author of a new book called A Walk Among Heroes: Searching for America's Better Angels, features photos and the stories of individuals and their spouses, uh, who are buried at Arlington National Cemetery.

Gary, thank you so much for your time and for drawing our attention to these stories today.

Gary Zelinski: Oh, bless you. Thank you so much, Julie. Appreciate your time.

Julie Rose: And thank you for getting Uncomfy with us today. I hope you have a meaningful Memorial Day, and I'd love to hear how being Uncomfy is going in your own life. Are you embracing discomfort instead of shying away from it? Are you doing something that you never thought you could 'cause it's really hard, but you're just leaning into it? Let me know. uncomfy@byu.edu is our email address. You can also connect with us to continue the conversation on social media.

Uncomfy is a BYUradio podcast. Samuel Benson produces it, and the team includes Hyobin Kim and Sam Payne. Our theme music was composed by Kelsey Nay. I'm Julie Rose. I can't wait to get Uncomfy with you again next week.